Final Pregnancy Update...

I had hoped this week's post would be a cute, happy update on my 13th week of pregnancy.  Instead, I'm having to inform you of our loss.

Up until this moment, everything had been going beautifully.  Two weeks ago, I had an ultrasound which I had posted a picture of.  At the ultrasound everything was perfect.  A strong heartbeat, a perfect tiny bean.  I knew I felt flutters now and then, and my cravings were so strong and weird. Monday, I had my OB appointment which I had mentioned I was looking forward to.  Only because I needed that reassurance that all was well, and I wanted to hear that strong heartbeat again.  However when I got there, first thing they did was go to listen for the heartbeat, and one couldn't be found.

My doctor moved me to the ultrasound room, seemingly unalarmed.  I tried not to be too worried. He booted up his old machine, and took a look.  There's my baby...with her arms and legs, but nothing moved.  The tears came.  I told the doctor I was scared, and I asked what was going on.  All he said was: I'm not an ultrasound technician, let me grab another doctor and see if he can find something.   He handed me a tissue box.

A few moments later, another doctor came in to join him.  Again, pressing the wand to my lower abdomen, in hopes of finding a heartbeat.  Nothing. I lost it. They both told me it looked like I had lost the baby, and that I would need to go get another ultrasound today to confirm.  I called my husband, sobbing uncontrollably.  He couldn't understand me at first.  My kids were in the waiting room, I had thought this was only going to be a quick routine visit. Not the end of my pregnancy.

Fast forward a few hours, my kids are at my girlfriend's house, and we're getting our next ultrasound.  It confirmed everyone's fears.  The baby had died about 3 days ago. The doctor said, it's not my fault, please know that first.  These things happen for reasons we never know, and he urged me to consider getting a D&C.  Initially I balked at the idea, but I was such an emotional mess I couldn't decide that day.  He said don't decide today, nothing will happen today, or tomorrow.

After lots of research, and conversations with friends, and my husband, I decided that a D&C was the best option for me.  It was a late term miscarriage, all things considered.  Passing it could take upwards of a month, and could potentially be very painful. Wednesday, I went in, sad, scared, and was received by a knowledgable doctor, and a caring, sympathetic staff. As I waited in the prep room, I heard the delivery of a baby.  The doctor who I was waiting for just did a c-section.  It was such a beautiful sound to hear that baby cry. I felt so happy for that mom, that she didn't go through what I was about to go through.   Her day today would be enjoying her new baby. I felt a small twinge of sadness for my baby...that it would never make those sounds, or be held in my arms.

After things were done...they were done, and I can now begin healing my heart, and my body.  Miscarriage is something I feel women do alone, even though we're not alone, we grieve alone.  We grieve the most, but I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many people who help me through my grief. I've been leaning so hard on my friends, and family.  I don't know how long I will tear up in quiet moments, maybe always.

Her name would have been Anna, and she was already so deeply loved.  Be well sweet, Anna. You will always be in my heart.

Summer Bucket List

This morning I was thinking of some nice things to do with my kids today, and asked on Facebook for some suggestions.  I got some awesome suggestions, but some that weren't practical to do on a whim.

So, were not ones who like to sit still, and next summer will be very different with an infant.  SO, let's make the most of this summer right?  Here's my bucket list.

Things to do, see, visit:

1. Visit Dutch Wonderland
2. Visit Columcille
3. Bushkill Falls
4. Visit Catocin Zoo
5. Go to Florida to see my new niece!
6. Visit Gettysburg
7. Visit Colonial Williamsburg

Whew...that's a lot to do on a tiny budget.  Hopefully we can check through it all.  Florida being the big trip for us.  What are your plans for the summer?  Anything exciting?

12 weeks!

I think I need to start getting my husband to take my picture instead of doing self pics in a mirror.  What do you think? ;) Not much change from last week.  I even still have on regular jeans, albeit they're my fat jeans. :)

How far along: 12 weeks

Total weight gain: 0lbs

Maternity clothing: Not yet, but it will be soon.  These are my fat pants, and they fit around my waist, but they're baggy everywhere else, so they look horrible.  I did break down and get some clothes.  It's fun.

Stretch marks: No new ones yet.

Sleep:  Pretty good.  I'm getting up less to pee at night.  I think I read somewhere that my uterus starts to move upward this week relieving pressure on my bladder.  I can definitely feel that.

Best moment: Went to the neurologist last week, and was told that my eyes are absolutely perfect.  I have no increased pressure.  They are being extra careful though, and I have another neurologist appointment next week.

What I miss:  Energy..still.  Even though it's getting better, and I'm finding I have actually had some afternoon energy this week.  Hopefully it continues to improve.

Movement: Nothing yet. 

Food cravings: Chik Fil'A.  I know, it goes against all green, natural eating with it's processed junk and soybean oil.  Before last week it had been over 5 years since I stepped foot in a Chik Fil'A, and now I have gone twice in two weeks.  *sigh*

Gender:  Don't know yet, but I still haven't found a boy name that sits right with me.  I'm beginning to wonder if that's just because I'm having a girl.

Labor signs: None.

Belly button: in

Symptoms: I haven't really had many symptoms this week.  Early on this week I've had more energy, and rarely do I feel nauseous anymore.

Wedding ring: On and loose.

Looking forward to: my OB appointment next week.  Maybe I'll get a final due date...even though the baby won't care, and will stick around after.

Green Polka Dot Box

About a month ago, I discovered The Green Polka Dot Box, and online grocery store that sells only Organic, Non-GMO products.  Win!

My long time readers know, last year I moved to rural Maryland after living in a suburban neighborhood located between Boulder, Colorado and Denver Colorado.  Square in the middle.  Boulder boasts three Whole Foods stores, and when I was leaving there was a whisper of a Trader Joe's being built there, too.  Between that, and Mile High Organics (a local organic delivery) I was absolutely completely set for natural, organic, and non-gmo foods, and products.  I was pretty spoiled, too.

I moved out to rural Maryland, and was suddenly faced with the challenge of finding fresh organic fruits and vegetables, and meats.  Finding safe household cleaners was laughable.  The closest Whole Foods is in Annapolis, which for us is an hour and a half away. Do you live in an organic/natural foods black whole?  Is the only store available to you a tiny little natural foods store that charges the highest full price for their items? (Oh I know all about that, too).

If you have a hard time finding food and products you trust, you should check out The Green Polka Dot Box.  I recently had my first order with them, and I am seriously impressed.  I messed up the order..of course I did.  It's me we're talking here.  Well, their customer service number is easy to find.  It's right on the bottom of the page.  No clicking contact us, no emailing and waiting a day or two.  I called, and a LIVE PERSON answered the phone.   There was no wait, no cheesy hold music.  There was a cheerful, likeable, funny person on the other side of the phone who fixed my mistakes and got my order correctly taken care of.  It took all of five minutes.

So here's my rundown of things I love about The Green Polka Dot Box.

• They have a huge selection of foods, ranging from dry foods to fresh fruits, vegetables, and meats.
• They have dog and cat food, they have cleaners, toiletries, even seeds and grow kits.
• They have baby food, body products, vitamins and supplements.  They even have a kitchen gadget section. 
• Have I mentioned the huge selection of stuff?  This is with out a doubt, all the kinds of things I am used to finding at Whole Foods, and other natural type stores...with out the big price tag.
• They are a small business, with personable people.  I would not be surprised if I called customer service again and spoke with the same friendly girl.  They have one office, and helpful staff.  I'm a hard win when it comes to customer service, and they are truly about as good as it gets. You know when staff is happy, they are treated well by their employers.  A happy business is easy to do business with.
• When your order is finished, your items are quickly shipped to you.  They also have cold shipping so they can ship delicates like milk, and cheese to you.

Go check out their website see what they've got.  Their Facebook Page sometimes has special promotions and deals, so be sure to check that out too. I'm about to place my next order with them, I will be sure to let you all know how it goes!

Wordless Wednesday - Our Week

This week, some decisions had to be made.  Not life decisions or anything.  We've been house hunting, without much luck.  It's planting season, and I always grow vegetables.  Always.  I've moved though after having lovingly planted a wonderful garden, and have had to leave it behind.  I don't want to do it again, but we haven't had much luck in the house hunt.  For all I know, come harvest time, we'll still be here. 

Anyway, here's a picture of my overgrown garden that is calling me to tend it, and I have yet to answer.

My daughter had a choir concert last weekend.  It marks the end of her choir season for the year.  She was part of the Children's Choir at Peabody.  She loved it.  I loved it. We'll definitely be doing it again next year.

With the ending of one activity begins another.  My children have joined a swim team this year.  I felt like I needed to keep them busy, and be a part of a team.  Here's my son about to dive into a pool.  Expect more of those types of pictures this summer as they attend meets!

How has your week been?

Honey Sweetened Strawberry Jam

For my birthday a few weeks ago for my I made some awesome grain free honey biscuits.  When Danielle, the author of Against all Grain pictured with a side of jam, I knew I had the perfect compliment sitting in my fridge.

I've been making and canning my own jams for a few years, and initially I canned with traditional sugar methods.  However after committing to a primal lifestyle, I've swapped the sugar for honey.  This is still a temporary treat, and I'm currently working on a low sugar recipe.  Once that is perfected, I will be posting that as well.  You won't miss any sweetness with this recipe, and it spreads so wonderfully.

Ingredients:

4 cups of organic strawberries (or pick your favorite berry, any will do!)
2 tbsp organic lemon juice
1 package of powdered pectin (I use Pomona)
1 cup of honey (local, and/or raw)

Put the berries and lemon juice COLD in a saucepan.  While still cold (COLD!) mix the pectin, juice and berries.  Now turn on the burner on high, and stir constantly until the mixture comes to a boil.  Add the honey and stir again until it gets to a boil that cannot be stirred down.  Now start your timer for about 10 minutes, and stir slowly the whole time.

Ladle the jam into half pint canning jars.  This recipe may be put directly into the fridge, where it can be kept for a few weeks.  If you choose to process them (which I would recommend), sterilize your jars beforehand (10 minutes in boiling vinegar water), and ladle the jam into them.  Leave about 1/4-1/2 inch head room and process for 5 minutes.  (Note you will need to increase the boiling process time if you live in a higher elevation, please check government standards).

Enjoy!!

Menu Plan

Oh let's see what my pregnancy cravings have in store for me this week.  Hubs has to work a crazy week this week so I'm on my own in the kitchen.

Monday: Coffee Pot Roast
Tuesday: Spinach Stuffed Chicken
Wednesday: Moroccan Beef Skillet
Thursday: Leftovers
Friday: Coconut Curry Shrimp Stir fry
Saturday: Barbeque Chicken Cookout
Sunday: Leftovers

Here's what we had to get:
5-6lb chuck roast
cilantro (had to buy later this week)
2lbs of ground beef
chicken legs/thighs
3 garlic bulbs
2 onions

Linking back to Organizing Junkie